Monthly Archives: June 2011
My entire life, I’ve lived in fear. And now it’s holding me back more than ever.
I was raised to live fearfully. My mom was very paranoid, and as much as I swore in my teenage years that I wouldn’t be like that, I am. It’s only gotten worse over the years. Irrational fears constantly itch at the back of my mind even when I push them away. Even when I know they’re irrational, they overcome me.
I have everything I need to succeed at what I do – I’m determined, focused, passionate.
But I’m just so damned scared of everything.
I know a big part of the fear in me is born from doubt. I doubt myself in everything I do, and doubt inevitably leads to fear. It won’t be an easy fix, seeing as I’ve had the same mindset for the last nineteen years, but I’m determined to fix it. Hopefully I can come up with a solution before it’s too late.
no fear, no doubt
This week I have a LOT to be excited for! Right now I’m running on 3 hours of sleep, so that excitement (and a delicious cinnamon mocha frappichino) is all that’s keeping me awake.
First of all, only 3 days of work this week and 4 next week. I’m excited, I need a break! I’m getting burnt out already and it’s not even July yet!
Second, I’ve been invited to practice with the IAG5 team at my gym. I’m super stoked because I would greatly prefer that team to IAG6. Hopefully I’ll still have enough energy at the end of the day to make it happen!
Last but definitely not least, Anime Expo! After the last staff meeting, I’m even more excited to work there! On one hand, it kinda sucks that I won’t really get to be at the con much since I’ll be working, but on the other hand most of my con time is spent with friends rather than at panels anyways. With the help of my amazingly talented mother, I’m cranking out the last of the pieces to my cosplay. I’m sure it will turn out great, just like last year!
Today is going slow. Hopefully tomorrow will pick up after I’ve had some more sleep.
I was really down this morning. As I pulled myself out of bed and groggily drove the 50 mile stretch to work, my mind was bogged down with negativity. The only things I could think of were things clouding my happiness, none of which are particularly major, but even small dark clouds can ruin a sunny day. One thing inexplicably changed all of that.
Who knew such a drastic change could come from something so mundane. I was driving through McDonald’s to get my daily coffee on my lunch break – which I ended up spilling all over my kitchen floor, I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. But anyways, as I went through the drive-thru, the guy who handed me my drink gave me a bright, genuine smile. You could see it in the spark of his eyes and hear it in the chime of his voice – he was legitimately very happy.
Maybe it’s just that it’s hard to resist being happy yourself after seeing someone so cheerful. Maybe it’s just seeing a friendly face that remotely cares about you after being alone with your bad thoughts all day. Or maybe there’s something about a happiness so pure and real that just the slightest touch of it can bring out the happiness in you.
It’s mysterious, it’s magical, and that’s why I love people. Do yourself and everyone you meet a favor today – smile!
So today at practice, I had kind of a weird day. I landed the long tumbling pass I haven’t landed in a month, but I couldn’t land a single standing tuck. Weird.
Sean always says that every practice, you should be improving on something. Sometimes, it’s so hard to lose track of progress and only see your failures, especially when you’re in the gym every single day working on skills that can take years to perfect. So after every practice, I’m going to post what I improved on.
What I learned today – thinking after long tumbling. I landed exactly 50% of my tumbling. I would do a pass and fall, but instead of getting frustrated, I thought critically about what I needed to fix. The next pass, I managed to fix it and land it perfectly.
There’s lots of work to be done this summer, and hopefully I can fit in more trips to the gym despite working full time and trying to maintain a social life!
Loving tumbling, in success and failure,
Now that I live in Orange County, far from the exciting nightlife in Los Angeles, I decided to see what I could do with my friends in the area. I discovered this place called Sky High. It’s literally a gigantic warehouse full of trampolines, even on the walls. It sounds silly, and I guess it kind of is, but it is SO much fun. During the summer, they are open until midnight 6 days a week, and it’s only $10 for an hour. I’d much rather spend $10 bouncing around with friends while listening to music instead of sitting through a potentially awful movie.
Seriously though, this place is awesome no matter how old or young you are, not to mention it’s a great workout. If you’re a tumbler, it’s so much fun to do crazy tricks across the trampolines. If you’re not, its fun to learn some new stunts (and it’s fun for everyone else to laugh at you when you fall =]).
I was never really interested in blogging until I started writing for an internet marketing company this summer. The more I read people’s blogs the more I thought why not just start my own? I’m in a tiny cubicle writing for hours anyways.
I’m 19 years old and already heading into my 3rd year of college. I’m majoring in film production, hoping to be an editor, and minoring in Japanese because I’ve always wanted to learn a second language. I just moved out less than 2 weeks ago and I am officially on my own! I live with three amazing boys, one of which is my boyfriend. I’m a competitive cheerleader, and I have been since I was 7. I started all-star cheer when I was 14 and I absolutely LOVE it. I’m at a new gym this year and I love it so far.
That’s all for now – I’m going to try to figure out how to use this website. I love talking to people, so if you want to chat feel free to AIM me or email me anytime! =]
Hoping that I will actually post here daily,